Forgiveness is a powerful gift to give to yourself.

Forgiveness carries with it the power to heal many of the world’s ills.  AND: truth is; most of us are not taught HOW TO FORGIVE.

While much of the behavior we have modeled or emulated from the world around us is resourceful and life-affirming, a lot of what we are exposed to includes examples of fear, hate, anger, and resentment.  We too easily revert to defensive or attacking behaviors that are driven by negative emotion.  Holding these negative emotions has direct and harmful effects on the body and the mind.  These states produce toxic chemistry and we can become addicted to that toxic condition.

NLP offers you a specific models that are useful in dealing with anger, resentment and other unresourceful emotional states.

When an individual comes to fully appreciate the cost of holding anger and resentment toward another person, they then have some choice in the matter of deciding to forgive.

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Psychological literature outlines four (4) steps or stages of forgiveness.

1. Filled with anger. Don’t want to forgive.

2. Realize anger does not feel good or is harmful to themselves.

3. Begin to realize there are benefits to forgiving.  The individual has choice about forgiving.

4. Proactively choose to forgive and let go of anger.   Learn it is possible to forgive in advance for specific triggers.

In an NLP Coaching or therapeutic session, it is often the case that an individual will not be able to easily move forward toward the other outcomes they say they want until forgiveness has been achieved.

Self-forgiveness is most often a critical step in the process.  There are a few things that should be checked out (ecology) before doing the Forgiveness Pattern.


  1. I’m going to get even.
  2. I’ll make them pay.
  3. I replay the offense in my mind.  I dwell on it.
  4. When I think of the person(s), I am angry.
  5. I can’t understand where the person(s) is/are coming from.
  6. I can’t see the good points of the person(s).
  7. My resentment has not gone away over time.
  8. I can’t get any peace about what happened.
  9. I keep as much distance between us as possible.
  10. I live as if that person(s) does not exist or never existed.

This program will help you get ready to make the changes that will get you free once and for all.


The first step is to recognize who the forgiveness is for.  Forgiveness does the most for the person forgiving, doesn’t it?

Check this out in your own experience.  It is not really for the person you have not forgiven.

People also tend to think that if they forgive someone who betrayed their trust that they will have to let the person back in their life, or “forgive and forget.”

Your NLP Coach will assert that you can forgive and that you don’t have to forget.  One thing has little to do with the other.  Otherwise, it would be difficult to set and reinforce your boundaries in the future.

If you think about this, there are probably a lot of creative ways you could set and reinforce your boundaries with the person in question that would not require forgetting, aren’t there?


Forgiveness is an internal state and is a matter of choice.  When an individual realizes that they are only hurting themselves by choosing not to forgive, the internal choice to forgive is a shift in feeling inside the person.  It can usually be observed by others as a physiological shift. 

Most often, the shift to Unconditional Forgiveness can be achieved simply by ‘truing up’ to where you are on the Forgiveness Chart. 

This workshop will help you evaluate your own Level of Forgiveness and give you specific models to get yourself free.  AND, you can then help others who would otherwise remain stuck in an unhappy and non-productive life cycle.


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